Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity – Louis Pasteur
The leaders I met, whatever walk of life they were from, whatever institutions they were presiding over, always referred back to the same failure - something that happened to them that was personally difficult, even traumatic, something that made them feel that desperate sense of hitting bottom - as something they thought was almost a necessity. It's as if at that moment the iron entered their soul; that moment created the resilience that leaders need - Warren G. Bennis
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on - Franklin D. Roosevelt
As you might remember, on the topic of resilience and tenacity, last time I made the point that hardships in life can test our resilience and tenacity to the extreme, but personal disappointments test it in a different and sometimes more challenging way. When we experience disappointments we tend to conclude that success is reserved for the naturally talented. And for them it more or less falls in their lap. However, most people we admire for their success have an account of how they had to overcome adversity and disappointment and how it ultimately contributed to their growth and advancement in life.
Of course, it is one thing to hear the testimony of someone who is asked to explain his success after difficult times and a different thing to understand or analise the thinking processes during those times in the hope that one can adopt the constructive responses. Exactly how one can overcome the persistent feelings of self-doubt or doubting life in general, is the magic formula we all hope to find. Unhelpful reactions to our disappointments, I think, broadly fall into two categories. One is that we can get stuck in a cycle of negative or over-analytical thoughts.
There is always the need to organise our thinking. Sharing one’s thoughts and feelings with someone we trust, someone who shares our values and who cares enough that he/she will give honest opinions, is a step in the right direction. Our feelings want to be recognised. Not necessarily as messages of something else, but simply as feelings. Under stress and in the experience of disillusionment our thoughts can be erratic. As we struggle to control them we tend to suppress or deny our strong feelings. Once we verbally express our feelings freely in a caring and trusting environment, we actually ‘hear’ our own disappointments and experience some relief when we do so. Clarity of thoughts can return. After we also had the benefit of a more objective perspective of someone we trust, it is time to work on the next step. There could be a lesson that one has learned and needs to put in practise or some adjustment to what we have done, but it is our actions and not our passive thoughts that will be the most instructive in terms of our future direction.
As Og Mandino in his The World’s Greatest Salesman points out, one needs to form good habits and become their slave. We need to return to the good habits that promises success as soon as we can. Resilience is that ability to rebound, to regain one’s original state. Some of us find it harder to bounce back emotionally after disappointments than others. Those of us who find it extra difficult typically live intensely with high levels of focus and commitment. We find it difficult to let go of our focused expectations. What normally is a strength then become a weakness or an obstacle. The longer we take to bounce back and be fully productive again, the more we loose the momentum that we have built up with what we endeavoured to do. It is our challenge to get away from ourselves in the good sense of the word – not to take ourselves too seriously and trust the ebbs and flows of life as normal. We need to relax more.
The other pitfall is that we try to escape the feeling of disappointment by rather letting go of our ideals or aspirations. We revert to what is safe and more predictable. The problem is that we might escape the relatively smaller disappointments on the path to the realisation of a vision but we prepare the way for a much bigger disappointment when we one day realise that we’ve given up on something we actually needed to feel fulfilled. Some of us typically find it much harder to hold on to a vision and the discipline needed to bring the fulfilment closer. We never brood over our disappointments and might be flexible, fun loving and easy-going, but we often feel that we have not given ourselves the best chance to succeed. We needed more tenacity, persistency of purpose. It is our challenge to face ourselves courageously. To not fear strong emotions and disappointments in ourselves but to trust the process as one that will make us stronger and wiser. We need to embrace the wisdom of ‘the only way out is the way through’.
As leaders we need to be resilient and we need to demonstrate tenacity. We need to bounce back after disappointments and be the first to show that setbacks will not dampen our spirit. We also need to demonstrate that our vision remains clear and that we approach each day filled with purpose.
Of course, a lot more can be said about managing expectations and disappointments. As I indicated earlier, deep disappointments challenge not only our functionality but also our beliefs and values. For instance, if I approach my work with the belief that no amount of money or status can ever be as important as my relationships, how will it be influenced if I find that my relationships suffer as a consequence of lack of money or status? Or else, if I approach my work and responsibility with the belief that quality of process is more sustainable and rewarding than fast production or service delivery with inferior quality, how will it be influenced by the decline in profit margins and even possible lay-offs? Or as another example, if I have made up my mind that I will always listen to my conscience and do what I believe is right, how will it be influenced if people sideline me as if I am from a different world?
Wherever we dedicate ourselves to moral principles but experience the absence of results we experience disappointment at a different level. We feel the need to go to the base of our moral beliefs. We are not only tested mentally and emotionally but also spiritually. It necessitates that we repeatedly take the spiritual journey to re-affirm our faith and re-commit to the values that it prescribes. That would be to tap into the deepest source of tenacity and resilience.
Best wishes till next month.
Remember my offering of ‘Inspiring Talks’ on the following topics:
· Inspire yourself, inspire others
· Resilience and tenacity
· Accountability and responsibility
· The illusion of security
· The power of character
· Excellence and success
· Busyness and prioritising
· Mental and spiritual fitness
Let me know of you are interested.
Gerhard
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