I am sure you would also like to be seen as humble and yet assertive and confident as opposed to arrogant or timid. Is it possible to balance the two sides? Are they two sides? Can you confidently say that you are a humble person … and then be humble? In fact, we all know that to pride oneself on one’s own humility is to lack it. To say ‘I lack humility’ and mean it, on the other hand, is a step towards humility. In my view both humility and assertiveness are key characteristics of a good leader and they do compliment one another.
To think that one is simply born or not born with the perfect personality that includes humbleness and assertiveness as characteristics, is a misconception. If Comte-Sponville is correct – as I believe he is - in saying that humility means loving the truth and submitting to it, then it is obvious that humility will be the outcome of a lifelong commitment to and pursuit of the truth. It necessitates application, focus and the willingness to learn – particularly about oneself in relation to the world. It is therefore not a genetically determined personality trait but an attitude and approach to life. It is an attitude and approach one can choose to have. It is the same attitude and approach to life that I believe can grow assertiveness and confidence if it is accompanied by the willingness to risk the unknown.
Humility should not be confused with lowliness. Being lowly, says Comte-Sponville, means ‘forsaking one's true worth, underestimating one's true value, to the point of not allowing oneself to undertake any higher action, which one assumes to be beyond one's capabilities’. Lowliness and lack of confidence and assertiveness therefore goes hand in hand. Humility, understood wrongly, can lead to lowliness. Humility understood correctly, goes hand in hand with mercy. There is a need to be merciful toward ourselves, since perfection is not achievable in this life. If we can’t be merciful to ourselves we can’t be merciful to others. A further point is that our ability to love others is also related to the humbleness of our spirit. Without humility ‘the self comes to occupy all the available space and sees the other person as an object ... or as an enemy’. The acknowledgement that my view about myself is always potentially full of illusions leads to humility and it creates room for the other person.
So, how important and how relevant are the above views to the work environment and our effectiveness? VERY important. Our effectiveness and influence are determined to a large extent by others’ perception of how well we have our ego’s in check as well as how assertive and convincing we come across. Do you wish you could be more assertive and find the ideal, effective way of speaking your mind? Do you perhaps have the suspicion that your colleagues or some of them think you are arrogant and that while they won’t challenge you openly, they also don’t support you when you need them to do so? From other people’s perspective they would like to see you share praise with them when it’s due; they would appreciate your encouragement and support of their development; they would like to see that your status doesn’t stand in the way of being economical and being human and they would like to see that whether you are dealing with powerful and influential people or conversing with them socially, you are the same person. When they see and experience the opposite, they know that you lack humility.
At the same time, others wouls like to see that when you speak, when you share your views, when you listen to what others are saying, when you respond to criticism or questioning, that you do so with assertiveness and healthy self-esteem. As with humility, this is not something we can fake. We either have it or we don’t. If we don’t and we know the situation requires it, we over compensate and appears to be arrogant. Else we are seen as timid and lacking influence. When we overreact to something that’s been said and that implicates us in a negative way, when we don’t come forward and volunteer for a task that others know we can and actually would like to do, when we appear to be in need of status symbols, when we play down other people’s successes in life ... others know that we lack assertiveness and self-esteem.
So where do we buy humility and self-esteem? Clearly, it is not something one can set as a development goal in life. The quote above points us in the right direction. ‘Knowing that you are not God’ will humble you. You will know that while you do have a role to play on this earth, it is the role of a human being with limitations, with fears and with many different and volatile human emotions. At the same time, if you can believe that you are His creation, you find your true worth from that believe. A worth that is not dependent on others’ views, our life histories, our performances, accomplishments or previous failures. That believe empowers me to risk the unknown, to have the courage to test my limits and accept failure as part of my growth and development process. That believe empowers me to face severe criticism with my inner being, my self-esteem, intact and secure. That believe gives us the proper perspective about ourselves and our relationship to the world.
I wish you the very best for August and hope that you can move closer to the realisation of your dreams.
Best regards
Gerhard
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